I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
