using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
