god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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