I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
