This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
