After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
