Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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