I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
cat food counts as protein by the way
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
