What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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