you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
