I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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