I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
