Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
