i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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