don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
