just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
