i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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