does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
