So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
