I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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