Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
