just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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