dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
