hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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