Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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