Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
