It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
