Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
