she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
