I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
