You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
