I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
