Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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