i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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