On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
