even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
