I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
