I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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