Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
