Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
