you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
