yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
