dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
