a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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