So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
