I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
