1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
