I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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