I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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