she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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