I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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