Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
