I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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