I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
