no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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