i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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