The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
