dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
