At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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