Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
