I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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