He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
