well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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