My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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