If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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