i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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