well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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