So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you never un-have a 4some
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
