Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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