Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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