No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
