And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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