Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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