I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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