so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
