Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
