my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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