i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
