respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
