Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
