i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish they made helmets for livers.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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