So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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