Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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