Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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