it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize