True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you made out with another girl for some wings
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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