I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
