White coat. Heels.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
