just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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