can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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