is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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