I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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